my car, my shrink

she has been there when i cried my heart out, she has been there when ive thought about something and couldnt help smiling to myself, she has been there when i danced like no one is watching (ofcourse seated in the driver's seat and ofcourse no one was watching!), she has been there when i cursed aloud to the people who have said mean things to me in life, she has been there when i swore my demons out to fellow drivers who have never said anything to me in my life, and she has been there when ive reasoned with myself, discussed problems and people with myself. she has been with me throught it all.


she has seen my emotions in the rawest form, like only ive seen, and no one else. I have this problem of revealing my emotions to others..but then she's not a person, which is why i could put my emotions on display before her. she doesnt get bored, she doesnt discipline, she doesnt pitch in with her side of the arguement, she doesnt correct, she doesnt ask me to see things from a different perspective, she doesnt ridicule, she doesnt empathize or sympathize, she understands, lets me be me and she doesnt judge.


and thats exactly what i want - a non-judging, good listener. how few are those? if you ask me, very. infact, they dont exist. people tend to become subjective, form opinions and impressions in their heads, they start 'type casting' you, start categorizing you and form this picture in their mind. next time, when they see you, they superimpose this image on you and you become this image plus you.

so, as i see it, revealing your emotions to someone is like suicide. its like presenting a part of yourself to others to analyze, to devour, maybe even relish, to discuss and debate and pass judgement on. i, for one, could never even stand the thought of that.

and though everybody says...you should share your emotions and feelings with others...with atleast one another person, you should confide in atleast one another person... i could never see what purpose it serves.

so, i have found this unlikely shrink in my car.. when im driving, its like 'me time'.. i am in control... im totally on my own.. basically im with myself. and thats when i talk, thats when i vent my emotions. thats what is required, right? never hole up your emotions, never let feelings simmer within yourself..isnt this what everyone always says? my car pretty much solves these problems.

i can easily say that, the best time of my day is my drive time, and this i enjoy alone. infact when i drive down to office,though i can try and take a short cut, i always take a detour..... just for the heck of driving, i never think twice about going and meeting someone on the other side of town, or driving down extra kilometres just for a better theatre, or a better mall, or taking a longer route just to avoid bad roads or traffic snarls. having said that, i would clarify that traffic jams dont bother me much...i love to drive through them too. if things get too bad and i run out of things to think about or good music, i call up friends and speak to them.

so, thats that..it maybe an unlikely retreat but for me, it is. my safe haven. i can drive down at any god forsaken hour in the night..i always feel very safe as long as im inside the car.

that actually adds up to give too much value to a car..but then its one of the most important things in my life..the other is the cell phone...i can do without everything else (im not talking about people here)..

reminds me..the poor soul is waiting to be serviced since ages... i need to treat her nicely...see, unlike humans it doesnt complain about that also :)