First impression

Whoever said that "first impression is the last impression" was an idiot!

How is that even possible? People have gone horribly wrong with me and I've gone absolutely horribly wrong with people when it comes to first encounters.

Now, maybe this is true of job interviews or more formal meetings when you know that 10 minutes or so is all you have. But what about when you meet the same person over and over and over again? Don't your perceptions go through one of those huge revolving crusher machines every single time? Well, mine do. Till I reach a stable point where I have figured out the person reasonably well.

Blame my geminian fickle-minded-ness. My opinions about a person can go from one end of the spectrum directly to the opposite end in one meeting which maybe the 2nd or the 12th. That doesn't matter. What matters is whether that person is buried so deep under in my 'good books' that one/two actions or statements will not make me tear up his/her page.

There have been times when people have not even registered with me after I have been around them for over months. Then stuff has happened, we came close and we became best buddies and continue to remain so. There is no scope for a first impression when I don't even remember my first meeting with them. Su, God gulty, abs, Rajesh, Suzie, Sho all fall in this category.

I have always grown fond of people or un-fond. I have drifted towards people or away. Gradually. By the time I realized how much I love these people, I have forgotten what my first meeting with them was like.

What should also be noted is that my finding a person so-damn-cute/attractive/ohh-m-g is invariably always followed by my asking myself "What the eff were you thinking?". My people evaluation kit is grossly under-stocked.

To make things better(??), I have consolation in the fact that other people too have been wrong about me before they got to know me better. I have been thought to be a snob, a loner, a spoilt brat, irresponsible, not-interested-in-studies, callous...I should stop. Well, these opinions have changed over time and that is the only reason why they are mentioned here. There is no place for negativity on this blog, especially if it's about me.

Now, whoever said "All that glitters is not gold" made so much more sense. There is an entire science to understanding people. People are complex and there is so much more to them than just first impressions and first hand-shakes. If it was not the case, I would be highly unpopular!

Cinderella's deadline

FUGA - That's where they play bollywood music every Friday night. And that's where you'll find me most Friday nights.

Infact the place has become my second home for Friday nights. So much so that last Friday, I got out of office, changed into a t-shirt and headed straight to Fuga. I mean no bath, no hair wash, no make-up, no dressing up. People would refuse to have a coffee with me in that attire. Yet, there I was at a nightclub.

So there's nothing new - it's always the same place, the same drink, the same set of friends, the same music. Hell, the dj has one set and ofcourse, I know it like I know the cd in my car. And I'm not complaining. No No that's not what I'm doing. I like the familiarity, the comfort, the zone. Though I always want to kill dj Jasmeet when he plays 'roop suhana lagta hai' and 'sajna ji'. C'mon what're you thinking! But then this time he played 'amplifier' and got his lifeline back.

And adding 'amplifier' to the dj set was not the only new thing that happened last time around. We were all dancing, glancing at our watches, and when it was around 11.20pm, we braced ourselves for the last song announcement. Yes that's how early it is and I always hate it but I've also learnt to live with it. This time too the dj plays his trademark concluding song, makes a last song announcement and turns on the lights. However, unlike any other time, this time the concluding song is followed by yet another song. Magic!

Yup. (Bring on the drum roll) The dj played for 20 minutes past the deadline.

At 11.54pm, when he finally wrapped up there were still some shouts for more music. The condescending dj then asked people to look at their watches and reminded them that never before have they partied till this hour. Atleast in Bengalooru, may I add.

Again I'm not complaining. This was a night of no-dressing-up, amplifier and 20 extra minutes of partying! Much fun and paisa vasool!

2nd touchdown at Auroville!

Quite amazing considering my non-travelling track record. The place is bliss and the fact that I would be allowed to sleep in the car made the offer too tempting to resist.

We stayed at Sharnga guest house. This place and its people have now become so familiar, it feels like home. This time around it was off-season (translated as heat and humidity) and Sharnga was almost empty. The last time around, it was teeming with people and that was when I fell in love with Auroville and Sharnga.



I had a good 4 days at Auroville last time. Like I said in my earlier post, at the time there was a general lack of clarity in my thoughts. (A very handsome man I met, and I mean very handsome, once said that I should look no further than a bacardi if clarity in thoughts was what I was looking for. But in this case, no amount of bacardi helped.) And so I was there at Auroville, looking to spend sometime on my own and think things through. What I did experience in those 4 days was way above expectations.

The place is absolutely breath-taking - acres and acres of man made forests and no sounds except for the birds and the occasional peacocks. People there live as one community, everyone contributes to the community as per their capabilities.

I saw teenagers plucking oranges to make marmalade and taking care of birds and chicks. Their concerns are widely different from our concerns of traffic, noise, latest gadgets and designer clothes and shoes.

Peter Choate, a Canadian professor and social worker, was also staying at our guest house. Random discussions led me to discover that he is a psychologist and I jumped at the opportunity and asked him to help bring clarity to my thoughts. He was immensely sweet and agreed. How he must have hated that moment because I behaved like a color blind person who is being told about the beauty of reds and greens. Despite the block, he persisted and drilled a few things in my self-consumed head.

The most important lesson that I came back with is that there is no use of wasting any emotion on things of the past. What has happened, has happened and nothing can change that. What we should strive for is to do our best given the present circumstances. Maybe we all know this at some level but when something goes wrong we do tend to think about it and there are a lot of 'what-if's and 'why-me's. Peter explained to me the futility of letting the past dwell in your mind - not only is it completely futile, by staying in the past you miss the present.

So now I have been going on and on about the 'present' and the 'now' and very soon I will be left with no friends. Then maybe I can again go back to Auroville and probably never come back.

Its been a while

...since I posted last but it was only because after 15th Feb life was fucking with me. First, ISB didn't want me and then just when I got over that slight, something far worse happened. Actually, it was happening for sometime, only I was not aware. And it took immense amount of time and effort to emerge out of this one. Can't say I am still out of it, but I am getting there!

One belief that has been reinforced in the past 2 and a half months is that God does look after me and everytime he screws with my life, he sends someone to pull me out of the shit. Either that or I am a very 'go-along' person and I can get along with almost everyone. Nah, I think the previous option is correct. God is calculating to the nano scale and maintaining a very fine balance in my life. He's like, I screwed with you for 15 nano units so, let me show you a good time of 14.5 nano units. Something of that sort.

And I say this because initially I was a mess. I wouldn't go out, I wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, would drink a lot (almost everyday) and wouldn't stop crying. I was a beeyach basically and I would just curl up at home and scream at anyone who tried coming close.

Then, very dramatically, just like that, one fine day, I found my happy streak. I cannot pin-point to that moment but I can definitely pin point to the person who indirectly, just by being there made it all happen. Here is one more person who gets credit for being at the right place at the right time. (I have a few more of such persons and I give them too much credit which some other people feel is undeserved).

I managed to be quite a fun person in the past 2 months despite the painful incident. I visited Auroville and Pondicherry. Auroville was awesome beyond words and also helped me clear my head of a lot of mess. I also drove to Ooty and Coonoor and saw the most amazing forests. I made a very good friend. I had some crazy party nights and some absolutely amazing evenings. I did not sleep for one entire night purely out of choice. I was having coffee at the airport instead. I also managed a week of vacationing in Mumbai. I finally went to Blue Frog at Parel. This was something high up on my list of things-to-do. And I had an amazing evening filled with humidity and salty sea breeze at the Aer lounge in Four Seasons Mumbai.

When this one lady walked into Aer at 12.30 in the night and asked for a table, I, for the nth time, felt that maybe Mumbai is sticky and smelly and hot, it is so much cooler. In other places, such as the one I stay in, I can only wish to be served after 11.00pm. And that wish doesn't go down too well with the waiters and I am threatened with police action. Way to go Mumbai!!

I do not know how the chain of thoughts has made me end up praising Mumbai. I guess its out of habit. Its also a good note to end this rambler of a post.