my comapnion of past 2 months is leaving me :(

so now im almost at the end of "Shantaram"..the 900th page to be precise.. and let me tell you it took me real long to get there..and let me also tell you that close to the end of the book, im in love with it and i consider that the looong time i spent on it was worth it.

really, it was quite a task just going from one page to the next, when i first started reading the book. i was like what's this guy doing, going from here to there, giving some details, narrating some unrelated incidents..what the hell is the book about? but then i stuck on...i was like if su liked it so much (she recommended the book) and my sis liked it so much (she gave the book to me and wants it back coz she wants to read it again!!..its a massive 936 pages..reading again?)..yeah..so i was saying, if they liked it so much, then there has to be something about the book. and i threw in my anchor and decided to go from one page to the next till i reach the 936th.

i cribbed to everyone and anyone who would listen about how difficult it is for me to read the book coz i cant see a direction to the story and how its not gripping enough and how some gross details are putting me off and i cant find myself going back to the book.

but then i had help..su was my inspiration..she has even made it a point to visit cafe mondegar and leopold's just because they are mentiond in this book. she always wondered how can i not like not reading about my own city and knowing the hidden truth behind this secure and glitzy face that we know as mumbai. she was like, "how can you not find it interesting?" "you didnt like the part about how he meets these people and falls in love with mumbai?" and i was like.."am i missing something?"

su even gave me an assignment..she was like could you keep a bookmark in your book in the form of a page on which you keep writing down all those one-liners. basically those coming from karla. (that girl seems to have a one-liner on everything). and she and even reggie took pity on my poor state and pace with the book and were like..."okay, if you hate the book so much and have to still read it..you can skip his afghanistan trip..that would give you a fair amount of jump".

so i trudged on and reached the 400th miserable page..and then the book got to me..i couldnt read enough of it..i realized that its not a story..its the life of a man..i started identifying with lin..i felt for him..his description of the jail was what made me empathetic towards him and i started seeing him as an individual rather than as a story. and then it was easy..seeing things from his view point was easy..feeling what he felt was easy..loving things he loved was easy..reading about him was all i wanted to do.

and, i have to admit that one man, who stands above all for me, is Abdullah Taheri..man, that guy is something (for lack of words)..im so in love with him.. i have to say that i have a very bad visualization..i cant say how ill look in a particular dress till i see myself in it..but i can see this guy..he is in my head..i can see him appearing out of nowhere to fight the pack of street dogs in the dead of the night (who can not like this guy?)..i can see him dressed in all black, long hair, iranian looks, guns in both hands, standing in the centre of a market, shooting at cops, when he's dying. i must say, i was quite devastated after that...but i was more ecstatic when he came back..short hair, dressed in white this time around.

so, now finally at the end of this book, that i was struggling to complete at one point of time, i am sad..im sad that no longer would i be a part of lin's life...no longer would i spend time with these guys..no longer would i know the subtle emotions of lin's heart, the thoughts going on in his mind, the way he saw these people, what he felt about people and situations, how he intepreted other people's facial expressions, their smiles and their eyes, his pain and his happiness...and his friend Abdullah Taheri. sigh...

I love you too!!!

How important is love? if you ask me today... extremely.

Six months back this would not be my answer..but then perceptions can change in seconds and six months is a long time. Well, actually nothing changed in my life..only realization set in. realization that if your entire world is going for a toss in front of your eyes and you are not in command of your own life and you can still manage to smile..it has to be more than your strength, it has to be more than optimism, it has to be more than hope. And now I know what it is.

It is love.
It is the feeling of being loved. It is the smug knowledge that however bad my day or night has been, I would feel better..its just a matter of minutes..just a matter of a phone call. It is the knowledge that I have these people in my life…friends, family.. who always recognise the im-not-alright tone of my voice and they would do anything to change that. It is this feeling, this security that runs my life, makes it more livable. It is like when I am with these people or when I talk to them, I am in an entirely different world. A world that I like to be in.

These people don’t solve my problems..they cant…they would if they could... But then, they help by just being there for me..by just letting me know that they are there for me. They just help by coming up with their incredible sense of humor..they just help by making me laugh like im a kid with no worries in life…they just help by taking me out for coffees or walks,or calling me in for teas and meals, by coming all the distance just to see me…they just help by making me feel loved, wanted. When I am with them, my life seems brighter, the problems disappear.

Six months back I would say that love is just a figment of your own imagination..it doesn’t exist, you just imagine that you love someone..and after a while you get over this feeling, you get over a person..it was always this easy for me..my crushes and getting over them has always been a mind game for me…if you make up your mind you can get over anyone.

But now I know that love exists. I cant define the feeling, but now I know love..i know attachment..i know giving without wanting anything in return. I know that it has always existed for me. I was just not aware of its presence..but all those smiles that I smiled to myself were because of this love, because of these people who love me..who I love. Now I know that love is not a figment of our imagination..i know its not a mind game…wanting someone is..loving is not.

I would really really want to thank you (sounds formal and sad…a person has to say some things some times)..and especially Su..i knew you would understand even if I murdered someone in cold blood…you know some things which are quite close to being as bad..and you have never judged me..you have understood my choices, my thinking.

I cant imagine life without you guys…maybe im not too good at putting this point across but I know this..and you should know that you are the fuel of my life..this life is so much better coz I have you. What would I do without you?

do I need to say…I love you too!!

latest feather in my cap!

my office just shifted in to this new place..and i just have to say this..and i quote "the place to be...with the times..ahead of the times"..really!!

this place is elixir..heaven..couldnt have imagined a better place for myself..seriously when i passed out of university and i thought where do i see myself one year down the line, i never even imagined this would be the answer. i mean, come on, its me. i was never the career minded, ambitious, over achiever and to get this place for office was the last thing i expected to happen to me. it beats your corner-cubicle-with-windows-overlooking-marine-drive any day.

dont even know how to begin describing the beauty of this place and its location. i guess the first thing to mention is that when we send out an ad next time to recruit new people, "wanted brilliant ppl with excellent academics and interested in..blah blah" we should add a criteria "please dont be tall..er..our top guys are short and we dont want then straining their necks to speak to you..so if you are above 5'10", go take a hike. we are not interested."

yeah..how would the guy stand with his held high if he goes beyond that height..the total height of the office is just that plus a couple of inches. go walk on the ramp dude.

and just for our convenience, the AC is so close..its in our face...and im not saying this for effect..its actually in our face..maybe they thought when we are bored or in the dumps, we could just look right in to the air vents of our AC and whisper our thoughts to the cold-air-spitting beast..ACs that double up as shrinks..who could have thought of that...the brain work of my boss..am i impressed or am i impressed?

coming here is like some adventure sport...climb steep, dingy terrains..slippery floors..make your way through a maze of obstacles...manouver through animals of dangerous species and finally come to this office which can easily classify as a venue for holding world rock climbing championship. and even after this if you havent satiated your adventure thirst, start using a computer..that normally very dull and boring looking task suddenly takes on the avatar of this exciting and adrenalin pumping adventure, when you know there is no earthing in the office and every PC is a dare...not just a routine machine where till yesterday you spoke to your friends and socialised..and ofcourse worked occasionally.

and then (yeah here come the topping on the dessert) hunt for water..yes hunt! and if you arent the skilled hunter, then for you we have the pond from where all the animals drink but im sure your pet dog would refuse that water. (come on, being a dog doesnt take away the right to hygiene...working here does). (and yes..i brought all this upon myself..thank you!)

and i dont even want to start on the net access...i have tears welling up in my eyes right now...sob sob..stop laughing..friends are very important in life..never under estimate the importance or necessity of a good social life and true friends..(the friends in need types)..how should i connect to the world? the global being that i am..

so, at the cost of repetition, when i thought last year, where i see myself in one year's time..i couldnt have asked for a more thrilling job place..(i still dont know about my job..im trying to figure out what im supposed to do..really i am..and ive figured out that surfing the net is not in my profile...a good start..the rest too will come about).

till then im very happy with the place..im basking in the glory of the results of my own decisions. and the latest decision is that i need to out source the decision making..any takers?
P.S.: if a person is known by his work place, im the meanest, lowliest labourer. :(